


rose petals.

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF, oneyplays
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Panic Attacks, Starvation, Touch-Starved, i made my friend cry too, i made myself cry with this lol, mention of vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-30 00:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19030885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: black and red, penny scent. he looks at what's inside of him, and coughs up even more.





	rose petals.

DD's body shuddered as he sat on the cold tile floor of the bathroom, exhaustion seeping into his bones.

He didn't know what time it was, only that he had woken up in the middle of the night with an excruciating itch in the back of his throat, and had to quietly get up and make his way to the bathroom. He didn't want to risk waking Julian up- he was a light sleeper, and was on the couch opposite him. It felt like he had been in the bathroom for hours, hunched over and hacking up petals, when in reality it had probably been a few minutes at best.

The itch came back, and within seconds he was coughing them up again- black and red roses. They fluttered out of his mouth gracefully, as the rooting plant squeezed around his lungs, threatening to suffocate him. He knew he had to confess. He knew he was being stupid. At this rate, he only had a few more weeks. But every time he felt like he could do it, his chest caved in, and he backed off like a coward. Then he would cough up more petals, and go back knowing he was probably going to die soon.

The others were getting suspicious anyway. Julian was smart- he was probably trying to figure out why DD would always ask to talk, before shrugging it off and telling him to forget about it. The people he came across in the office definitely noticed him coughing quietly into his hand. He was playing a losing game.

Finally, the seemingly endless stream of petals eased up, and he could stand- albeit shakily. His legs threatened to buckle, weak from nearly two days now without food and constant coughing. He was terrified if he ate, he'd be practically pushing himself into the late stage of the disease, and vomiting was far harder to hide than coughing. If he was running on empty, at least nothing would come up. Hesitantly, he pushed the door open, squinting slightly as his eyes adjusted from the pitch darkness of the bathroom to the dimly-lit halls, scattered with LED fairylights they kept on during the night. People said it was for the atmosphere, but he knew it was because Arin, Dan and Suzy were too lazy to turn them off when they left the office.

When he came into the living room, he saw Julian sitting upright, looking at him.

"We need to talk."

Oh, God no.

Shoving down that horrible sinking feeling and trying to force himself to regulate his breathing, DD stood there, caught like a deer in headlights. Julian gestured wordlessly for him to come sit, and he did so.

"I'm really worried about you," Julian began. "You're not eating, and you keep getting up in the middle of the night to just.. _cough?_ And you keep asking if you can tell me something before just shrugging it off. You know you can tell me anything, right?"

He can't tell him anything. He can't. But he wants to.

"I'm fine." DD objects, and Julian sighs. "I don't think you are. Please, just.. let me help." If he tells Julian he has the disease, what will that do? Julian will be forcing himself to be with him, so he doesn't feel like a murderer. It won't be genuine. It won't be real. It'll be pitiful, and miserable for the both of them.

Julian reaches over and.. touches him. Touches his arm. They're touching. Gentle, tender, warm, loves me loves me loves me-

He can't breathe.

He holds back the urge to cough, feeling the petals rising in his throat. Everything is happening at once. Julian is looking at him and DD feels like he's floating, caught up in the pure euphoria of love. It's intoxicating, sickly sweet, and he just wants to let go. Wants to give in to the urge and let Julian see what's happening. But he can't.

He pushes the feeling down.

He clears his throat, quietly, to hold the disease at bay. It's been working less and less lately, but he has to try.

"I.." The words won't come out, and Julian is looking up at him with concern. He's not floating anymore. He's crashing. Falling endlessly, breathing quicker, suffocating. Julian is asking something. Everything sounds watery, tinny, like it's not real. Like it's just a dream, and he'll wake up tomorrow and nothing will have happened. The thought floods him with both relief and terror.

In his panic, he coughs.

He turns away quickly, pulling his arm away like he's been burned, and coughs. He grips the couch, tears spring to the corners of his eyes, he can't breathe and everything is going blurry and dark. From the corner of what remains of his vision, he can see Julian's terrified expression. He can't stop coughing.

Eventually, he manages to suck in a breath, the flowers finally easing up their chokehold. His ears are still ringing, but he's gathering himself up again, broken and scuffed. There's a warmth running down his face- several. The petals on the floor are spattered with blood.

They're both quiet. DD wipes away the tears and scarlet blood, and forces himself to meet Julian's eyes. Pity. It's exactly what he was scared of. A part of him feels relieved to get it out of the way, like a weight lifted from his shoulders. The other part knows what's coming next, and piles that weight right back on.

"I had.. no idea..." Julian murmurs, and DD gives a weak smile. "That- that was kinda the plan." His voice trembles and breaks, still not fully recovered from the intense coughing fit. "I didn't want you to say yes out of pity."

Julian looks taken aback. "You..?" DD knows what he's implying. He nods, if only to just get it over with. If he doesn't feel the same way, he'll just die and that'll be the end of it. "And you really thought.. oh, Dee..."

Julian surges forward and hugs him.

He doesn't understand.

Is Julian trying to tell him it's not mutual? That he hates him? Is he trying to get his hopes up? Will he ask him to get the surgery?

"I loved you from the start," Julian says, his face buried in DD's shirt.

Everything stops.

Julian loves him. _Julian loves him._

He's not going to die.

He can breathe, really, for the first time in months.

Julian _**loves him.**_

DD chuckles. He laughs.

He grips onto Julian's shirt and laughs the hardest he ever has, tears rolling down his face. The feeling of raw, true happiness is addictive. Julian starts laughing, too, and soon they're both laughing like crazed idiots, knowing they're going to wake up the others but they don't care. They love eachother. Really, truly love eachother.

Julian pulls away, looks him in the eyes and grins. They kiss. DD can't get enough of it- it makes him feel so many things. Loved. Cared for. Needed. Wanted. It feels like heaven.

They fall asleep holding eachother close.


End file.
